Argh. I think I’ll have to go to the doctor again tomorrow morning. Fourth time in 2 weeks. So frustrating. Tuesday, Dr. Tolbert did a scraping and saw that whatever is currently causing so much trouble is just a typical skin fungus – not yeast. So he prescribed Naftin. It stings like the dickens for the first 15 seconds that I put it on, but then is ok. Once again, at first the treatment seems to help, then a day or so later, plateau. I’m cutting to the chase tomorrow because I don’t want to wait for it to flare up again.
I’ve learned a lot about breastfeeding in the process. I haven’t been able to nurse much on that side because it’s painful or gets so irritated. I can’t really pump either. So I’m learning ‘hand-expression’. Nice way to say ‘milk yourself’. Moo. It is harder, but I can feel where it needs milking better. The risk is, if I don’t take off some pressure, I’ll get a clogged duct and another infection. So PJ is nursing mainly on the other side. He is so much more efficient at milking than anything else. He’s been little frustrated while my milk supply on that side tries to catch up with his demand. And I’ve tried to supplement with a bottle, but he gets frustrated with that, too. He’ll take a little and then turn toward my breast and gripe. He took a bottle from Oma over Christmas just fine. He just knows I have the real thing. In a way it makes me feel good that he prefers it. I know all the medical and nutritional reasons to breastfeed; it’s just nice that it’s his preference, too.
So is all this worth it? I mean, he’s nursed for six months already and gotten a lot of the benefit of breastfeeding already. I could quit and go to formula. It would be a rough transition getting him to take a bottle from me. But we could do it. Mentally, it sounds possible. But emotionally it is a whole different story!
I was trying to think of an analogy to describe how it feels… The best one I could come up with I haven’t really experienced, but seems like it would feel similarly. Let’s take a Chemo patient that has lost their hair. She can go buy a wig. But no one says, “Oh, I’m so jealous of you, you get to wear a wig!” And there aren’t so many folks out there that would shave their head and go buy a wig because it’s a bother to take care of their hair. A wig is nice if you have to have it, but at the end of the day, having your own hair is better. That’s how I feel about nursing. It is so healthy for PJ, it travels well, it is instant, nothing is wasted, no dishes, it is very comforting to him, so easy at night when he wakes up, CHEAP… If I have to go to a bottle, we can do it. And I’m glad the formula option is out there if we need it. But I really don’t want to have to use it!
I guess this post really wasn’t so “graphic” after all…
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