Sad SAHM

I am absolutely hating being a stay at home mom right now (SAHM). I was loving it in Winston-Salem – really loving it – with the addition of Eliza, several good friends, and a mother’s helper… But since we’ve moved here it’s been really tough. We’ve got some friends and I have a good babysitter for evenings. We don’t have a church yet. Josh is on call lots of Sundays. I tried going by myself with Eliza once. I thought it was lonely visiting a new church when I was single. Try it with your baby. I wasn’t comfortable leaving her in a strange nursery. She was a wiggle worm, and not a quiet one in the service, so I was in and out constantly. Then I walked around the crowd afterwards a few times just trying to connect with someone. I sort of decided there not to visit a church without Josh. Which means it will take a long time!

Why is it so bad right now? Well, the kids have been sick the last week. We drove 13 hours last Sunday to get back home from Colorado. We still haven’t caught up with laundry. Eliza is getting all four top teeth at once right now… I see the white nubs there and one has broken through… PJ is… three. He peed his pants for me first thing this morning. Eliza hasn’t been able to let go of me for the last several days without screaming the whole time we are apart – save being outside in the stroller or driving somewhere. Speaking of, the 4runner is making a weird noise and Josh is worried about it breaking down. And then when I drove the nissan it wouldn’t start up again after I put it in the garage. Thank God it didn’t strand us! But now it feels like when Josh is home, he is always working on the car. Like old times…

Anyway, I think I’m going to do some job shopping, just to be sure that staying at home is really the right choice right now. Things are tight and I’m going nuts. But I don’t want my kids in day care. I think next month will be better because Josh is on ENT and emergency. And I’m hoping some friends and a church will pan out soon. Maybe I can join a MOPS group. We’ll see…

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